A life here in Japan has been better than I thought before leaving the States.

Sure. It was really--yes really--hard to reform myself into old `me.`

I still have not gotten back what I used to be here before.

`Do I have to change, or rather, go back to what I used to be?` I have once thought since coming back to the place where I grew up.

The scenery hasn`t changed much. Only thing that may have changed, which I could say, is the way I think of and see the world around me. Especially this familiar world I have seen, touched, and smelled for 19 years of my life seems to have changed a whole lot.

Nothing has really changed.

What precisely has changed is I myself.

Therefore what people say to me sometimes seems not good enough. Probably `not good enough` may not be the best word, but that`s what I have got for now.

Things I have experienced in the U.S. have shaped me into new me and real me who my family and friends here have not noticed yet.

I sometimes feel very odd being here. Thoughts fill up my head, and I just cannot help thinking.

I cannot stop thinking about a life a year ahead from this moment.

What could I achieve in one year? Would I ever be able to do so?

I know not.

Only thing I can say is that I`ll do my best and show people what I`ve got.